Rough waters always calm with time.

I need to write it down, spill it out, express myself but I can't find the words that would fit. I don't know. It's difficult. So just.. eh..
You know the feeling of waking up? And not being sure if you woke up too early or just in time? That's it, actually. Well, a year ago, almost exactly, I took my feelings and this shit and locked it away, being SO fucking dissapointed of everything. Since then I've felt kinda empty but it worked for me. So imagine your bloody emotions locked up like this and then, completely unexpected, someone comes, blow the lock off and you feel it all coming back. All of a sudden. You don't know what to do, how to react or even act or so, absolutely not. You're unprepared for this sorta things. You feel so vulnerable, so weak. You're not used to this, you remember the things you've been through too well. How it ended up the last time. You being screwed up completely for so long. The rational part of you is like Oh no, not this again, hella no, I still am not fully recovered and doubt I ever will be. The other half, though, is like Wow, I'm feeling again, I'm awake, I'm alive.. You can't hide from it for it will find you wherever you decide to go, you can't resist, not anymore. And these two parts are fighting inside you and you have no freaking idea what to do.
All you know is that you can't sleep, you can't think nor can you behave normally.
You're in it again.